Wotgessmit is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent guinea pig.

Wotgessmit created parasitic wasps eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Wotgessmit, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Wotgessmit, he will boil you in a big pot.

Wotgessmit's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Wotgessmit's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

5. Never bounce in holy places.