Tifsatkamnulgutyar is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, narcissistic newt.

Tifsatkamnulgutyar created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifsatkamnulgutyar, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tifsatkamnulgutyar, she will turn you into a snail.

Tifsatkamnulgutyar's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Tifsatkamnulgutyar's Holy Commandments

1. Tifsatkamnulgutyar must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never eat aubergines.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.