Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, weak bat.

Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig, it will turn you into a slug.

Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large copper sculpture of Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig on top of all buildings.

2. Never talk about capybaras.

3. Quarttafzakflatlargquimtinstig loves whales, so they must be respected.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never write about cell theory.