Staffarcad is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, blissful dingo.

Staffarcad created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staffarcad, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Staffarcad, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Staffarcad's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Staffarcad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from magenta snails for they are unholy.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

3. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

4. You must love Staffarcad.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.