Tarlatzist is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, smart hippopotamus.

Tarlatzist created the solar system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarlatzist, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarlatzist, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Tarlatzist's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Tarlatzist's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Retreat if eight bats approach from the east.

4. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

5. Always help snakes.