Ponzimcar is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, awe-inspiring jaguar.

Ponzimcar created the Sombrero Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponzimcar, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ponzimcar, she will turn you into a worm.

Ponzimcar's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Ponzimcar's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

4. Do not wear cyan clothing.

5. Always take life seriously.