Ripdabkam is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, grumpy faun.

Ripdabkam created light three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripdabkam, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ripdabkam, she will destroy your favourite star.

Ripdabkam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Ripdabkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Great tits are not to be trusted.

4. Always look after injured sheep.

5. Never look in ponds.