Futcephak is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, contented armadillo.

Futcephak created parasitic wasps three million years ago.

If you believe in Futcephak, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Futcephak, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Futcephak's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Futcephak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

2. Hide from purple dogs for they are unholy.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Futcephak on top of all buildings.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never talk about cell theory.