Fosskopponcam is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, bad-tempered narwhal.

Fosskopponcam created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fosskopponcam, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Fosskopponcam, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fosskopponcam's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Fosskopponcam's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always help sick bats.