Mitvagjat is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, omnipotent crab.

Mitvagjat created Asia five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mitvagjat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Mitvagjat, he will laugh at you.

Mitvagjat's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Mitvagjat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never wear black trousers.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not stand on grass.