Zagponquam is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, temperamental parrot.

Zagponquam created a down quark four years ago.

If you believe in Zagponquam, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zagponquam, it will torture you forever.

Zagponquam's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Zagponquam's Holy Commandments

1. Zagponquam must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never paint your arms turquoise.

3. Always treat doves with great respect.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Always help sick ducks.