Japcuncut is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, almighty dugong.

Japcuncut created an electron four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japcuncut, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Japcuncut, he will turn you into a duck.

Japcuncut's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Japcuncut's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.