Hitboncim is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, moody octopus.

Hitboncim created the planet Mars five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitboncim, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hitboncim, it will cry a lot.

Hitboncim's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Hitboncim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never wear dresses.

3. Never eat cherries.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not kill manatees.