Wabgofhig is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unthoughtful monkey.

Wabgofhig created bats eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wabgofhig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Wabgofhig, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Wabgofhig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Wabgofhig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.