Gonflaplam is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, uncaring donkey.

Gonflaplam created the Sun seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonflaplam, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gonflaplam, she will have a low opinion of you.

Gonflaplam's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Gonflaplam's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never wear corsets.