Dunbasswee is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, conceited seal.

Dunbasswee created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dunbasswee, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dunbasswee, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Dunbasswee's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Dunbasswee's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dunbasswee.

5. Do not hurt aardvarks.