Davlapnabven is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, tiresome tapir.

Davlapnabven created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Davlapnabven, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Davlapnabven, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Davlapnabven's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Davlapnabven's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three ducks approach from the north.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. You must love Davlapnabven.

4. Do not kill gulls.

5. Do not drink alcohol.