Rantoftargflatpogtap is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, self-confident swallow.

Rantoftargflatpogtap created the Sun three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rantoftargflatpogtap, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Rantoftargflatpogtap, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Rantoftargflatpogtap's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Rantoftargflatpogtap's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Rantoftargflatpogtap.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think ill of sick voles.