Hatpogbetlarg is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, witless ant.

Hatpogbetlarg created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatpogbetlarg, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hatpogbetlarg, he will turn you into a frog.

Hatpogbetlarg's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hatpogbetlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

4. Never eat garlic.

5. Do not make images of living things.