Flaglanyik is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, idiotic raccoon.

Flaglanyik created everything that exists seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flaglanyik, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flaglanyik, he will cry a lot.

Flaglanyik's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Flaglanyik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill manatees.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.