Jatxemrip Yarlcitquag is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, weak gnu.

Jatxemrip Yarlcitquag created an electron seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jatxemrip Yarlcitquag, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jatxemrip Yarlcitquag, she will laugh at you.

Jatxemrip Yarlcitquag's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Jatxemrip Yarlcitquag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat coconuts.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.