Hamquatven is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, kind cobra.

Hamquatven created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Hamquatven, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hamquatven, it will refuse to believe in you.

Hamquatven's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Hamquatven's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured rats.

2. Always help gulls.

3. Always treat turtles with great respect.

4. Never think ill of sick horses.

5. Never look at stars.