Dapsasvonk is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, almighty hedgehog.

Dapsasvonk created matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapsasvonk, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dapsasvonk, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Dapsasvonk's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Dapsasvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

5. Always help sick whales.