Xuclidbogligtitwik is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, grumpy spider.

Xuclidbogligtitwik created light two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuclidbogligtitwik, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Xuclidbogligtitwik, she will not care at all.

Xuclidbogligtitwik's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Xuclidbogligtitwik's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Pigs are not to be trusted.

4. Never eat tomatoes.

5. Always help turtles.