Gessvilkap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, idiotic shrew.

Gessvilkap created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Gessvilkap, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gessvilkap, he will boil you in a big pot.

Gessvilkap's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Gessvilkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

2. You must pray to Gessvilkap three times a day.

3. Never feed bananas to ants while wearing orange shorts.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not drink alcohol.