Tailgesspit Padgutfid is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, emotional badger.

Tailgesspit Padgutfid created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailgesspit Padgutfid, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tailgesspit Padgutfid, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tailgesspit Padgutfid's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tailgesspit Padgutfid's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed figs to doves while wearing orange rings.

3. Retreat if five moths approach from the south.

4. Always obey Tailgesspit Padgutfid's priests.

5. Never laugh in holy places.