Quatcutbep is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, narcissistic shrew.

Quatcutbep created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Quatcutbep, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Quatcutbep, he will turn you into a tree.

Quatcutbep's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Quatcutbep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Do not hurt tapirs.