Padquartnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unfair turtle.

Padquartnurt created vertebrates two million years ago.

If you believe in Padquartnurt, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Padquartnurt, he will turn you into a hamster.

Padquartnurt's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Padquartnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Hide from brown mice for they are unholy.

5. Do not listen to music.