Zassyostcat is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, blissful newt.

Zassyostcat created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Zassyostcat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zassyostcat, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Zassyostcat's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Zassyostcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat strawberries.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never hurt doves.

5. Do not jump in public.