Nartgovgam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, prudent swan.

Nartgovgam created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Nartgovgam, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nartgovgam, she will turn you into a tree.

Nartgovgam's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Nartgovgam's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms gray.

2. Never hurt tapirs.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.