Pitnarwod is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, omnipotent crocodile.

Pitnarwod created the universe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitnarwod, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pitnarwod, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Pitnarwod's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Pitnarwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about hamsters.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always obey Pitnarwod's priests.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.