Gepquafbag is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, wise crab.

Gepquafbag created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepquafbag, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gepquafbag, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gepquafbag's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Gepquafbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gepquafbag.

3. Do not hurt geese.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.