Vabpogwab is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, narcissistic cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Vabpogwab created a Higgs boson seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vabpogwab, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vabpogwab, it will boil you in a big pot.

Vabpogwab's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Vabpogwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

2. Vabpogwab loves voles, so they must be respected.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vabpogwab.

5. Never think about asteroids.