Yarlomtsis is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, astonishing lizard.

Yarlomtsis created an atom four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlomtsis, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yarlomtsis, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Yarlomtsis' most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Yarlomtsis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Yarlomtsis.

3. Do not eat aubergines.

4. Never paint your chest orange.

5. Retreat if seven sheep approach from the north.