Quimbassxemstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, humorless spider.

Quimbassxemstaf created the Cigar Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimbassxemstaf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Quimbassxemstaf, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Quimbassxemstaf's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Quimbassxemstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.