Jopvonbemkem is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, effective giraffe.

Jopvonbemkem created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Jopvonbemkem, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jopvonbemkem, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Jopvonbemkem's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Jopvonbemkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not hurt manatees.

3. Put Jopvonbemkem first in all things.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Jopvonbemkem.