Figbafcib is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, passionate squid.

Figbafcib created the Small Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figbafcib, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Figbafcib, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Figbafcib's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Figbafcib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always look after injured seals.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always help sick whales.