Gilnatyik is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ill-tempered faun.

Gilnatyik created an electron four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilnatyik, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gilnatyik, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Gilnatyik's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Gilnatyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Do not kill snakes.