Gepzanbig is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, merciless swan.

Gepzanbig created the Sombrero Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gepzanbig, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gepzanbig, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gepzanbig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gepzanbig's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gepzanbig.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Gepzanbig on top of all buildings.

5. Do not eat cucumbers.