Flapkimjan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, ruthless deer.

Flapkimjan created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Flapkimjan, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flapkimjan, he will turn you into a sheep.

Flapkimjan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Flapkimjan's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Feed all hungry geese.

3. Never paint your legs black.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.