Xucknurtgen is a god.

She takes the form of a large, loving snake.

Xucknurtgen created life five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucknurtgen, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Xucknurtgen, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Xucknurtgen's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Xucknurtgen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never look at planets.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never eat peanuts.