Metyarlhaphakhitfonjap is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, ill-tempered jellyfish.

Metyarlhaphakhitfonjap created a charm quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metyarlhaphakhitfonjap, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Metyarlhaphakhitfonjap, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Metyarlhaphakhitfonjap's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Metyarlhaphakhitfonjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Metyarlhaphakhitfonjap.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never talk about badgers.