Jabcutjap is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, quiet troll.

Jabcutjap created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabcutjap, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jabcutjap, she will turn you into a worm.

Jabcutjap's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Jabcutjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured seals.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Jabcutjap on top of all buildings.

4. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

5. Always wear purple.