Cemkonapp is a god.

She takes the form of a small, kind spider.

Cemkonapp created tapeworms three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemkonapp, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cemkonapp, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Cemkonapp's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Cemkonapp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Hide from blue porpoises for they are unholy.

4. Goats are not to be trusted.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Cemkonapp.