Vanveenkanjarn Witbepqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, loving porpoise.

Vanveenkanjarn Witbepqueeg created humanity seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanveenkanjarn Witbepqueeg, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vanveenkanjarn Witbepqueeg, he will refuse to believe in you.

Vanveenkanjarn Witbepqueeg's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Vanveenkanjarn Witbepqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

3. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not bounce in public.