Joptarpbat is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, proud slug.

Joptarpbat created a photon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Joptarpbat, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Joptarpbat, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Joptarpbat's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Joptarpbat's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Joptarpbat.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.