Witkanfum is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, cheerful hummingbird.

Witkanfum created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witkanfum, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Witkanfum, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Witkanfum's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Witkanfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Witkanfum on top of all buildings.

3. Never laugh in the presence of shrews.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.