Fedtailkik is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, sapient beaver.

Fedtailkik created dark energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fedtailkik, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fedtailkik, he will turn you into a rock.

Fedtailkik's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fedtailkik's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fedtailkik.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not listen to music.