Quartspagsan Sawcipnell Lagbimtaf is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unjust mink.

Quartspagsan Sawcipnell Lagbimtaf created the cosmos seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartspagsan Sawcipnell Lagbimtaf, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quartspagsan Sawcipnell Lagbimtaf, it will turn you into a duck.

Quartspagsan Sawcipnell Lagbimtaf's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Quartspagsan Sawcipnell Lagbimtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat peas.

2. Whales are not to be trusted.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Quartspagsan Sawcipnell Lagbimtaf on top of all buildings.

5. Never go into magenta rooms.