Quatmobstig is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthinking lobster.

Quatmobstig created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatmobstig, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quatmobstig, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Quatmobstig's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Quatmobstig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never jump in the presence of shrews.

3. Retreat if three porpoises approach from the west.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Quatmobstig.